The cause of a victim mentality is, in most cases, found in the process of one’s upbringing. Children who, from an early age, are forced to live under rebuke, scolding, and harsh words from parents, relatives, or siblings cannot help but develop habits of watching others, calculating, and judging, and so they live continually in tension, anxiety, and restlessness. For children who have no choice but to watch the eyes of adults, there is no alternative.
Judgments and calculations inflated by oversensitivity within this victim mentality can never be right standards; rather, they foster misunderstanding, discontent, criticism, and deeply emotional dissatisfaction. Excessive sensitivity, being overly inflated, inevitably creates misunderstandings. Thus in every decision and judgment, such oversensitivity leads to impatience and hasty reactions, making even small matters into heavy burdens, resulting in a life of constant weariness. The habit of always watching others breeds anxiety and tension, creating a suffocating self-imposed prison of rigid thoughts, inflated fears, and restlessness, where one cannot live with freedom of will. Hidden sins, shame, darkness, and worries pile up within because one unconsciously trusts oneself absolutely, leaving no room for open-hearted communication, sharing, or comfort with others.
Rigid thinking, stubborn thoughts, and hidden anxieties born of a victim mentality always result in narrow judgment and self-centered perspectives. These habits, dwelling within such victimhood, endlessly pursue fleshly desire and greed, thereby becoming a driving force for accumulating sin. This applies even to wealthy families. Under strict and harsh discipline imposed by severe parents, a child grows up under pressure so intense it feels suffocating. Thus children raised by unusually strict and unyielding parents develop victim mentalities from extreme stress and unhealable wounds, becoming hardened and obstinate, knowing nothing but themselves. And since all men live according to the desires of the flesh, none can escape this victim mentality—for man cannot escape fleshly desire itself.
When most people think of victim mentality, they assume it arises only from wounds and pain. Certainly, much victimhood arises from bullying, violence, sexual assault, abuse, and trauma. Yet often, victim mentality does not come from such wounds, but rather from selfish dissatisfaction when one’s own desires and demands are not fulfilled. In other words, from early childhood, many wounds and victim feelings are born from self-centered disappointments: when one’s wants, ideals, and requests are not met, leading to sadness, anger, or resentment.
Every human being has their own habitual standards of calculation. Though they differ from person to person, most people love or hate, rejoice or grumble, harbor resentment or anger according to their own calculated standards. Thus everyone has different standards of likes and dislikes, and different reactions when things do not go as they desire—but all alike these judgments and emotions are born of victimhood rooted in fleshly desires through the senses.
Even the simplest of wishes, when judged by the standards of the world, are desires. To speak plainly, all such hopes are greed. For instance, a farmer who owns no land may wish to have even a single plot, but that too is greed. Though compared with those who own thousands of acres it may not appear so, to a man with nothing, even one plot is greed. And if a farmer gains one plot and is content, then it is not greed. But once he obtains it, he longs for two; and once he has two, he longs for ten or a hundred. This, man calls hope and ideal. But whatever the standard or the average, all men, driven by fleshly desire, continually raise new desires. Thus all human hopes, wishes, and ideals are nothing but greed, and from these small and great desires arises all discontent.
For example, a child who lives in the insecurity of a violent household where fighting never ceases may wonder: “Why was I born into such a family? Why could I not have been born under loving, peaceful parents? Why can’t my home be like other warm and harmonious families?” But even these longing desires and innocent wishes are greed. So too is the lament: “Why is one born into wealth and another into extreme poverty?” All such complaints are cries stirred by greed.
Therefore, all ideals, wishes, and demands that arise from the unsatisfied desires of the flesh are nothing but greed.
(Lecture Question Requested)