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idk why, or for how long, but ive always held a grudge against people and its very hard to forgive for me. I understand that as a christian i have to forgive everyone, but i dont know how. In my heart it doesnt feel like i forgiven them. Especially those who were close to me and ended because of their actions made me hate them , but i dont want to hate anymore. I want to love, it feels suffocating having all these burdens. I dont know how to forgivr. Everyone makes it sound so simple. any advice helps thanks
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The wounds, tears, and pains of the past that could not be expressed in words are, in fact, the only way for you to gain the opportunity to receive great grace, mercy, and love before God. I earnestly pray that all your wounds, pains, and tears may not remain in the devastating result of resentment that harms you, but instead, may your wounds become compassion that embraces the wounds of others, your pains become love that embraces the pains of others, and your tears become prayer that embraces the tears of others. In this way, your seemingly small and broken life, filled with wounds, pains, and tears, may become the very opportunity and turning point to be supplied with the greatest and most beautiful grace and love of God.
Yet most people, seeing only their own wounds, pains, and tears, become slaves to resentment and anger, and without even realizing it, they develop only evil habits born out of that resentment and anger. Thus their wounds remain only as wounds, their pain only as pain, and their tears only as tears. As a result, they become unconsciously trapped in worse habits that emerge from the victim mentality, which inevitably distorts and twists their lives even further.
I too lived under a harsh stepmother and a cruel father, enduring all manner of curses, beatings, and abuse. Indeed, my life itself was like hell, to the point that I had no choice but to give up school midway, and each day was a heavy burden just to survive. My father was an educator who was regarded as an example in society, yet at home our daily life was one of flipped tables where we rarely ate properly, and I lived as the constant target of beatings, curses, and resentment from my foster parents.
Covered in blood from countless beatings and often thrown out of the house in nothing but underwear, the neighbors would take me in, wash me, comfort me, and feed me. This became almost routine in the neighborhood, as my life was nothing but abuse. A day without a beating felt like a birthday. When school holidays approached, I wished they would not come, for life at home was pure torment.
Whenever I was driven out and had nowhere to go, I would crawl into a large water jar and cry out, ‘God…,’ and that became the first moment I came to know Him. My violent father, who would strike me mercilessly with a belt or rod wherever it landed, always blamed me whenever misfortune came upon the family, saying, ‘It’s because you were born into this house.’ To me, he was not a father, but a violent master under whom I lived as a servant. And that was also how he himself regarded me, and how I came to accept life.
From a very young age, my stepmother openly showed favoritism to her own children, even with food. To me, she was never a mother, but only a woman of foul speech. She uttered every vile and filthy curse imaginable, words so repulsive that it seemed impossible they could come from a human mouth. Whenever she beat me, she would bring an armful of sticks and strike me until they all broke in her arms, like splitting firewood, leaving me covered head to toe in blood. I lived through abuse so severe it cannot be fully expressed or counted in words.
The vile curses hurled at me were of such disgust that at times I wondered how such words could even exist. With every beating, I often wished I would just die—at the age of only nine. Yet the pain, suffering, and loneliness I endured in my childhood became the great grace of God that allowed me to understand the suffering of the abused, the pain of orphans, and the meaning of their tears.
For you also, all of your wounds, pain, tears, and loneliness can become a path of grace before God—only by abiding in His love.
The reason God inevitably gives us wounds, pain, tears, and suffering is so that, through my wounds, I may come to know the wounds of others; through my pain, I may come to know the pain of others; and through my tears, I may come to know the tears of others—so that by these, I may gain the treasure of compassion and obtain the love of God. Therefore, every wound, pain, suffering, tear, mourning, and sorrow that exists in us becomes a great grace before the love of God.
But when one sees only their own wounds, only their own pain, only their own tears, then what remains in the heart are nothing but resentment and anger, leaving only pain, sorrow, and tears. My humble life has received from God a reward more precious and valuable than any other life on this earth—the treasure of love and the riches of mercy. God’s love, poured into my heart, has become a prayer for the wounded, a comfort for those in pain, and a prayer for those in tears.
From now on, look to the way set before you so that your wounds and pain may become thanksgiving and grace within the love of God, and read many articles here. Here you will behold the wondrous, mysterious, marvelous, and astonishing providence and works of God.
I earnestly pray that you may be born again by the power of God’s love. And through this writing, you will come to fully understand why those who call themselves shepherds proclaiming the God of love do not truly have the beautiful love of God.
To love even your enemies is the beautiful will of the God of love. In truth, the result of hating your enemies only brings miserable consequences upon yourself. We, as human beings, have no tears by which we can truly love our enemies. Once, I cried out for forty days, pleading with God to give me tears to love my enemies, to give me a heart that could love them. I was facing a situation so grave that it brought me to the very brink of death, something too heavy to even share with anyone. Yet more than that fear, I wept every night in prayer, begging God for tears that could love even my enemies. In that prayer of tears, God granted me the most beautiful tears of love—tears that cannot be found anywhere else in the world.
Because of this, the stroke that had afflicted my body disappeared, my health was restored, and those tears that enabled me to love even my enemies became a rich and beautiful gift, allowing me to pray for all those who had once troubled me.
To pray for one’s enemies in love is not a grace that can ever be attained apart from the love of God being poured into us. In our minds we may know the command of the Word, that we must love even our enemies, but when anger and resentment surge in our emotions, the old wounds rise to the surface, blinding us from seeing rightly, understanding rightly, and causing us to respond with blame and complaint. Yet there is a way to be freed from this habit. The way to escape from this evil habit is to receive the love that enables you to forgive your enemies. What God desires for you is to gain the heart and the tears that can love even your enemies. When the love of God that can embrace even your enemies is poured into your heart, then you will have gained a treasure of love more precious and priceless than any treasure on this earth.
The habit of unforgiveness takes many forms. A constant attitude of blame toward others, or hypersensitivity and overreaction, swell into misunderstandings. In this habit, where everything becomes complaint and resentment, even God becomes an object of complaint, and one’s own self becomes the object of blame. Thus many find themselves breathing within a prison of darkness that they themselves have built, their hearts enslaved in such deep shadow that life becomes unbearable.
Such repeated evil habits torment the conscience, always yielding regret, anxiety, restlessness, emptiness, and exhaustion. Loneliness and fear, as if standing alone, incite further cravings, giving birth to more destructive habits. Desperate struggles to change end only in vain flailing. Some drown their sorrow in alcohol, others in gambling, others in sex or pornography, others in overeating, others in reckless behavior, and still others in drugs. The result is a ruined life—a dreadful consequence born from wounds and pain they could not endure, leading to destruction.
The only way your wounds, pain, and sorrow can be transformed into grace, thanksgiving, and love is if the beautiful love of God is poured into your heart. That way is found in the Word of God. I will guide you into this Word. Do not live your life as a religious person or a Christian who endlessly repeats sin. Rather, follow the truth of God, which delivers you from sin, renews you, transforms you, and makes you a child of His beautiful love by the power of His love.
The truth of God is not words, theories, or mere inspiration. Do not become a Christian who can do nothing but repeat sin for a lifetime. Become instead a true Christian who follows the hope of Christ, in whom the love of God is poured out. A ‘Christian’ is not automatically a disciple of Christ who lives the life of Christ. It is your choice: will you follow the Scriptures given below and live as a true disciple, bearing the fruit and evidence of the love of Christ? Or will you remain only a religious person who spends an entire lifetime repeating sin, without ever bearing the fruit and testimony of Christ’s love?
And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.(Romans 5 : 4~5)
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.(Ephesians 4 : 15~16)
Let no man beguile you of your reward in a voluntary humility and worshipping of angels, intruding into those things which he hath not seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind, And not holding the Head, from which all the body by joints and bands having nourishment ministered, and knit together, increaseth with the increase of God.(Colossians 2 : 18~19)
For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works…(Titus 2 : 11~15)
For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.(Titus 3 : 3~7)
Because people serve God together with the world and with material things, they end up teaching and learning every kind of corruption, heresy, and falsehood, and thus all kinds of deceiving spirits are at work. To those who seek the world, the god of the world works; to those who seek material things, the god of material things works; to those who seek lust, the god of lust works; and to those who seek carnal desire, the god of carnal desire works—disguising themselves as if they were God or Christ. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.(1 John 4 : 6)
Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their heart, and put the stumblingblock of their iniquity before their face: should I be inquired of at all by them? Therefore speak unto them, and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Every man of the house of Israel that setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumblingblock of his iniquity before his face, and cometh to the prophet; I the LORD will answer him that cometh according to the multitude of his idols; That I may take the house of Israel in their own heart, because they are all estranged from me through their idols. Therefore say unto the house of Israel, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Repent, and turn yourselves from your idols; and turn away your faces from all your abominations. For every one of the house of Israel, or of the stranger that sojourneth in Israel, which separateth himself from me, and setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumblingblock of his iniquity before his face, and cometh to a prophet to inquire of him concerning me; I the LORD will answer him by myself: And I will set my face against that man, and will make him a sign and a proverb, and I will cut him off from the midst of my people; and ye shall know that I am the LORD. And if the prophet be deceived when he hath spoken a thing, I the LORD have deceived that prophet, and I will stretch out my hand upon him, and will destroy him from the midst of my people Israel.(Ezekiel 14 : 3~9)
Thus saith the LORD, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that ye build unto me? and where is the place of my rest? For all those things hath mine hand made, and those things have been, saith the LORD: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word. He that killeth an ox is as if he slew a man; he that sacrificeth a lamb, as if he cut off a dog’s neck; he that offereth an oblation, as if he offered swine’s blood; he that burneth incense, as if he blessed an idol. Yea, they have chosen their own ways, and their soul delighteth in their abominations. I also will choose their delusions, and will bring their fears upon them; because when I called, none did answer; when I spake, they did not hear: but they did evil before mine eyes, and chose that in which I delighted not.(Isaiah 66 : 1~4)
Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I would not have you ignorant. Ye know that ye were Gentiles, carried away unto these dumb idols, even as ye were led.(1 Corinthians 12 : 1~2)
Those who have not even a mustard seed of faith, who cannot help but repeat sin until death, are children of the devil. Yet they claim themselves to be children of God, true Christians, shepherds of God, receivers of the Holy Spirit, speakers in tongues, workers of power, prophets, or witnesses. They rationalize the signs and wonders of demons—the very phenomena found among shamans and false religions who serve other spirits, never found in the Scriptures—as though they were from God, as though from Christ, as though from the Holy Spirit. Among religionists, they teach communion with spirits as though it were receiving the Holy Spirit; they call incantations and sorcery that summon spirits “tongues”; they call fortune-telling and divination “prophecy”; they call every kind of demonic wonder “the miracles of God.” And because they serve God together with the world and material wealth, their prayers—being for nothing but worldly ideals, hopes, happiness, blessings—are prayers for lust in which demons must inevitably work. Thus those who seek the world receive the god of this world; those who seek wealth receive the god of wealth; those who seek lust receive the god of lust; those who seek carnal passion receive carnal passion—as if such were God, or Christ, or an angel, disguised and masquerading.
All human beings, from a very young age, are inevitably raised indiscriminately under these seven hidden emotional sins: the spirit of envy works in those who envy, the spirit of jealousy in those who are jealous, the spirit of hatred in those who hate, the spirit of pride in those who are proud, the spirit of lust in those who harbor lust, the spirit of anger in those who harbor wrath, and the spirit of falsehood in those who practice lies. In other words, it is the same seven demons that once worked in Mary Magdalene. Moreover, the acts you have performed are influenced by the spirit of morality, not by the righteousness of God.
When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he saith, I will return unto my house whence I came out. And when he cometh, he findeth it swept and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh to him seven other spirits more wicked than himself; and they enter in, and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first.(Luke 11 : 24~26)(Matthew 12 : 43)
He that hateth dissembleth with his lips, and layeth up deceit within him; When he speaketh fair, believe him not: for there are seven abominations in his heart.(Proverbs 26 : 24~28)
Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils. And she went and told them that had been with him, as they mourned and wept. And they, when they had heard that he was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not.(Mark 16 : 9~11)(Luke 8 : 2~3)
For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.(2 Corinthians 11 : 13~16)
The righteousness that leads to salvation is the power and strength of God’s love that molds His divine nature within you.
On the path of sinners, belonging to the world and the flesh, where sins are repeated until death under the evil habits of the body, good deeds and righteousness born of fleshly faith may help a little to guide one toward pursuing God’s love, but they cannot attain to the divine nature required for heaven and salvation. Therefore, read carefully to this precious Word of life, which becomes the opportunity to gain authority in God’s love, where His power works to put to death the evil habits and members of the sinful flesh. All these things are written throughout the Scriptures. To gain deeper understanding, visit the site Dialogues with the Almighty. There you will see truly great and marvelous secrets and truths of God. Your salvation is here.
Advice from people that is not found in the Scripture is always fearful counsel that inevitably sways to the left or to the right. In other words, their faith inevitably denies the very life of Christ—the beautiful life of a true Christian who, aiming for the hope of Christ and following the love of the cross that gives even one’s own life, grows to resemble the divine character through the power of God at work within His love. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.(1 John 4 : 1~6)
This means that your standard has become the Word, Christ, and even God Himself—not by faith grounded in the Scriptures, but by interpreting and judging according to your own preferences, thoughts, and opinions. Repentance begins when we, who cannot help but repeat sin until the day we die, look into the Word and discern what is wrong. Repentance that continues while sin is endlessly repeated is meaningless. The fundamental purpose of repentance is the repentance of being born again, so that sin is never committed again. Therefore, Christians who continue to repeat sin are not true Christians, regardless of who they are. A true Christian does not commit sin. Likewise, the children of God are set free from sin and do not commit sin. Do not be deceived: whoever commits sin is nothing but a child of the devil.
To lead people to receive the love of God is the work of a true shepherd of God, and that is the truth. The Word declares that the love of God comes and supplies us with love. Yet today, there is not a single Christian who truly lives according to such a Word. In other words, what they call the Word, the Spirit, prophecy, tongues, and truth, comes from those who do not have even the evidence, the power, or the fruit of faith as small as a mustard seed. Do not follow the teachings of man that exalt only the inspiration of words, without the evidence appearing as the Scripture says. Instead, follow the true shepherd who leads so that the evidence and the fruit described below will surely appear.
The love of God comes into our hearts and nurtures us. If there is a Christian who does not understand this meaning, then depart quickly from that church and from that pastor. For God is love. Any spirit, gift, power, tongues, or prophecy that does not abide in this love of God is 100% the spirit of Satan—it is the work of demons, pretense, falsehood, corruption, and heresy. “For though he was crucified through weakness, yet he liveth by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but we shall live with him by the power of God toward you.” (2 Corinthians 13:4) Just as this Word declares, to lead believers to receive the gift of power by which love is supplied is the work of God’s shepherd, the truth of God, and the gift of God. Faith and belief that do not show even the power, the fruit, or the evidence of a mustard seed are nothing but dead faith, the faith of the adversary, and the fleshly faith that stands as an enemy against love.
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world. Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.(1 John 4 : 7~21)
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.(2 Timothy 3 : 16~17)
All the words of God, His visions, His power, and His truth exist in order to make us children of love, resembling God who is the source of love. It is not by the will or zeal of man born of the flesh, but by pursuing the love of God and receiving the supply of the power of His love, that He leads us to fully do good works. Therefore, a true Christian neither lives nor dies for himself.
If thou put the brethren in remembrance of these things, thou shalt be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished up in the words of faith and of good doctrine, whereunto thou hast attained.(1 Timothy 4 : 6)
For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself.(Romans 14 : 7)
Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.(Romans 13 : 8~10)
Do not follow the teachings of man that, failing to lead you to receive the love of God in which the power of God works, only stir up awakenings, resolutions, and determinations by relying on oneself through the inspiration of words throughout a lifetime. The teachings of man, which endlessly repeat awakenings, resolutions, and determinations but can never go beyond the limits of man, only puff up the hearts of believers like leaven that soon dies out when one turns away. They are nothing but intellectual, academic, theoretical, and emotional values that twist and falsify the interpretation of the Scriptures. By such means, one can never escape the limits of the flesh, and no matter how much one learns, hears, perceives, or knows, whoever follows the teachings of man is nothing but a child of the devil who only repeats sin.
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.(2 Corinthians 10 : 3~6)
As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.(2 Peter 3 : 16~17)
Whoever continues to repeat sin, no matter who they are, is nothing but a child of the devil. Remember that He came to call sinners. Repent, as He commanded: Repent! Receive the power of God’s love that puts to death the evil habits of man that can only lead to the repetition of sin. Please, read the Scriptures. The Word of God testifies to this: “My people, blinded by sin, are a people who have eyes but cannot see, ears but cannot hear—they are ignorant and senseless.”
He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.(1 John 3 : 8)
What you believe for is what matters most. In short, everything is determined by this: whether one serves God while clinging to the world and to material things—faith of the flesh that seeks only blessings, happiness, success, and prosperity born of the desires of the body—or whether one makes the love of Christ, the hope of Christ, and the life of Christ the goal of life, sacrificing all and even denying one’s own life.
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.(2 Timothy 3 : 16~17)
Whether it is faith of the flesh or faith of the Spirit is revealed by what one seeks. Those who ask only for worldly sorrows—family problems, business problems, workplace problems, relationship problems, children’s problems, health problems—are fleshly, for such worldly sorrows end in judgment and death. One must receive the gift of God’s power that leads them to be supplied with love which follows after God’s power—love that surpasses the human limitation of repeating sin endlessly, no matter how much one awakens, resolves, or determines throughout their lifetime. To lead believers to obtain this divine power that surpasses human limits is the work of a true shepherd of God. Sermons of pastors that only stir awakenings, resolutions, and determinations, chasing the inspiration of words while leaving believers bound to repeating sin, are not the truth itself.
Only within the love of God can the hidden darkness of resentment and anger in your heart be turned into great thanksgiving and grace. Your wounds become compassion that embraces the wounds of others; your sorrow becomes tears that hold the pain of others; your suffering becomes prayer that enables you to love others; and your resentment and anger, as sin, become the very soil from which humility is gained. ‘May your tears become the grace that seeks God, and may your tears become the turning point that leads you to the truth.’ This is my prayer for you.
It is now time to soberly examine and weigh what I have been living for before God—and what I must do and how I must do it. God calls the weak and those who are ashamed of their sins. Repent!!