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While reading and reviewing the testimonies, I recalled the first time I met the teacher and our family. My heart felt moved and overwhelmed, tears welled up, and I was truly grateful. Knowing how difficult it was for everyone when we first came into the truth, I feel so thankful now. However, it also pains me to think that during this time, I seem to have forgotten my first love for God. Reflecting on the truth this time and seeing each other’s true selves has been a blessing. There seems to be a vast difference—like heaven and earth—between the teacher who has received the Holy Spirit, those who have received grace, and those who haven’t. Even among those who haven’t received grace, there are slight differences, but I deeply understood why the teacher said we must “receive God’s grace even if it costs you your life.” Writing about the truth this time, I realized that all along, I had been listening with my head and thoughts, not fully with my heart. Without relying on God, without praying, I can do nothing on my own, and that realization fills me with fear and dread. Looking at myself—after more than ten years of learning, this is all I amount to—I feel pathetic and deeply ashamed. I always fall short in so many ways, lacking wisdom and having so many deficiencies. This is all because of my lack of obedience and humility before God and the teacher, and my inability to let go of myself. As I wrote, the following verses came to mind, and they felt like words directed at me, a mirror to my soul:
“Lest at the end, when your body and flesh waste away, you groan and say, ‘Why did I hate discipline, why did my heart despise reproof? Why didn’t I obey the voice of my teacher or incline my ear to those who instructed me? In the midst of the assembly, I nearly fell into every evil'” (Proverbs 5:11-14).
“My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 6:20).
This year, I earnestly pray and hold onto the hope that the Word will be spread, and that all our family may receive the gift of power that God grants.
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