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recently, i made the decision to turn back to God because i was drifting and feeling myself backslide. i was what you call a lukewarm christian, always one foot in the church and in the world. even though i’m glad i “woke up” in a sense, i have not stopped crying and feeling guilty and ashamed. every time i pray or read the bible, a voice inside me loves to tell me that “you’re not good enough… you have no time left to fix your relationship with God… how do you even know you’re going to make it to Heaven or be raptured…” i try so hard to push them out of my head and not believe them because i know they’re not from God but the enemy. i feel like something is wrong with me sometimes because i literally will cry almost every few hours when i think of my old habits and sins. i like obsess over whether what i’m doing is enough too. i prayed to God the other night and just sobbed for over an hour begging for forgiveness and yet i still woke up feeling like i wasn’t. i don’t want to feel this way at all. i don’t want to obsess over whether i’m going to make it or if i’m doing enough for Him. i don’t want to have a “resume” to show God—i want a genuine relationship. i just don’t know how to make the guilt and shame leave. please pray for me if you are able to.
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Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.…(Ephesians 2:3~7)
A faith that can do nothing but sin, repent, and then turn back to sin and repent again, repeating this cycle throughout one’s entire life, is a carnal faith that follows the desires of the flesh. No matter how much I may come to discern right from wrong, sin can only be endlessly repeated within the evil nature of man, who always pursues his own benefit within circumstances of self-interest.
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.(1 John 2 : 15~17)
Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.(Hebrews 12 : 16~17)
Because it is a fleshly faith that seeks only one’s own happiness, blessing, success, and prosperity, sin cannot help but follow, and sins born of greed cannot help but be repeated without end. This is the tragic reality and the tragic fruit of all Christians today. Since they worship God together with the world and with material things, the majority form of Christianity today is full of all kinds of corruption, heresy, and falsehood, so that their own distortions and lies are claimed as though they were the truth. In such faith, one’s own assertion becomes the Word, one’s own thoughts become God, and one’s own judgment becomes Christ. Therefore, the fruit of Christ, the fruit of love, and the testimony according to the Word of Scripture do not appear. Instead, it is a faith that seeks only personal lusts of life and lusts of the eyes—blessing, happiness, ideals, success, and prosperity. This is the same as the Word which says that through repeated sin they have not accomplished true repentance. The repentance of Christ does not commit sin, and likewise, the children of God do not commit sin.
Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him. Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.(1 John 3 : 6~10)
But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness. What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death. But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.(Romans 6 : 17~23)
For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s.(Romans 14 : 7~8)
The reason is that they live a life of Christ, whose goal is the hope of Christ that follows the love of the cross—a love that lays down even one’s own life. However, Christians today, without exception, believe in God for the purpose of pursuing their own happiness, blessings, and success, chasing after only the hopes, dreams, and ideals of men that arise from lust and greed. In other words, their faith is no different from that of worldly people or of those who follow false religions, for it is a faith that belongs to the world and the flesh, seeking only their own happiness, success, and prosperity.
Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.(Exodus 20 : 7)
For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.(2 Corinthians 7 : 10)
Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.(James 1 : 15)
The lust of the flesh, the lust of life, and the lust of the eyes, when followed, continually give birth to greed, and greed inevitably conceives sin. Therefore, without exception, Christians cannot escape from the limitation of man, endlessly repeating sin and repentance, only to turn back and sin again until the day they die. Christians are religious people, not true followers of Christ. Without living the life of Christ, they live a life chasing the same lusts and desires as those who belong to the world, yet they act as though it were the love of the cross that lays down even one’s own life. The attitude that merely attending church makes one a true Christian, or that praying to God alone means one possesses true faith, does not make them children of God. For the children of God are those whose goal is the hope of Christ that follows the love of Christ.
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.(1 John 4 : 16~21)
For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.(Titus 2 : 11~15)
That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:..(Colossians 1 :10~14)
The truth of God is that which leads us to receive the power of God. In other words, even if one is awakened, makes resolutions, and determines through sermons that only teach with words and theories throughout life, the truth is what leads a person to obtain the divine power that surpasses the human limitation that can never truly be born again, changed, or transformed. It is not the emotion of words, nor the knowledge of theory, nor theoretical instruction. It is only by the divine power united with the love of God that one can put to death the evil habits and members of man that cannot be reborn, changed, or transformed, and it is the true shepherd of God who leads people to receive the power endowed with God’s authority.
Just because I pray does not mean that God hears everything. If one seeks only for personal happiness and blessing—for family problems, business problems, workplace problems, relationship problems, or health problems—such prayer is a vain prayer, for it is a prayer that seeks lust before God. In such prayers, the spirit of lust disguises itself as though it were God; to those who seek only material things, the spirit of materialism disguises itself as though it were Christ; and to those who seek the world, the spirit of the world disguises itself as though it were an angel. By no means does God work in vain prayers that follow after the things of the world and the flesh. God grants reward to those who, along with His love, seek righteousness.
Seek tears for the poor and needy, and ask for a beautiful heart to love them. That is the love of God. Among Christians, there is not one who truly abides in love. Because they belong to the flesh, sins that follow the lusts of the body continually arise. Therefore, Christians who repeat sin, without exception, are slaves of sin and children of the devil, not yet true children of God. The children of God are those whose goal is the hope of Christ, who follow the love of Christ. And from the love of God supplied to them, the fruit of righteousness that is manifested in their deeds is the fruit of Christ, and they are the true children of God.
If thou put the brethren in remembrance of these things, thou shalt be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished up in the words of faith and of good doctrine, whereunto thou hast attained.(1 Timothy 4 : 6)
If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?(1 John 4 : 20)
We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.(1 John 3 : 14)
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.(Romans 5 : 3~8)
They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.(Titus 1 : 16)
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.(2 Timothy 3 : 16~17)