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Intellectually, I have fully convinced myself. I have read many arguments for God, and I do know that God is real. I just don’t have my heart with it. It’s only my mind. I live as though he never existed. I want to go back, to start becoming a better Christian, but I don’t know how. I started distrusting God. I don’t know if I’m saved anymore or if I forsook it. Help.
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It seems you still do not realize that you are a sinner. If you truly regarded yourself as a sinner, you should already know what the life of Christ is like and how one ought to live. Engaging in the meaningless cycle of sinning and repenting, sinning and repenting, is like a child writing a reflection in a diary. If sin is only going to be repeated, why repent at all? Repentance is done in order to be born again, to change, and to be transformed. A life in which sin continues to be repeated is not the life of a Christian.
Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him. Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.(1 John 3 : 6~10)
Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.(Romans 6 : 16~18)
A child of God does not commit sin, because they have escaped from a life in which sin is inevitable.
The life of Christ is to follow a love that is willing to sacrifice even one’s own life. Without pursuing that love, the faith of Christians who serve God while mingling with the world and material gain—seeking only their own happiness, success, and smooth prosperity—merely follows all kinds of corruption, heresy, and falsehood. The self-assured salvation they boast of is not found in Scripture. One is not saved simply by boasting. Self-reliant pride, confidence, and belief are the faith of the flesh and of passionate temper. A true disciple of Christ does not boast or arrogantly claim to be saved; rather, they continually carry in their heart the awareness that they are a sinner. A Christian denies themselves and lives with the goal of the hope of Christ, which follows the love of God.
Truth is to receive the love of God into our hearts so that His love becomes our nourishment, putting to death our members. In other words, truth is to lead us to receive the power to destroy the habits that inevitably lead to repeated sin. That power is love.
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.(1 John 4 : 16)
And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.(2 Thessalonians 2 : 10)
Therefore, you do not abide in that love. If you did abide in it, you would not display such pride in claiming that you are saved. All religious people who, instead of living by God’s love, awaken, resolve, and determine themselves through teachings and inspiration based on words and theories are bound to repeat sin. Within the habit of repeated sin, repentance has no meaning. That is not the repentance of Christ that brings new birth, change, and transformation. As a result, only lack and emptiness grow. People whose consciences are dying, who no longer feel the pangs of conscience, still take pride, exert zeal, and feel assured—yet this is merely the form of one who teaches only in words and can do nothing but repeat sin for a lifetime before God, and the form of a faith that only listens. Many Christians mistakenly believe they are disciples of Christ. This is not merely a misunderstanding—it is pride itself.
A true disciple of Christ is one who could give even their own life, denying and surrendering their entire existence, with a heart that longs solely for the love of Christ, making the hope of Christ their goal, and receiving the power of God that is supplied through His love. Teaching that power is the truth. I hope you will pursue that true and correct truth. And read the book Moses’ Burning Bush or visit the website to read the many articles and writings there. Everything you desire is contained within them, as well as all that you seek to know, and the path you must take is also revealed there.
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