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I don’t know what to do anymore I feel heavy every time I read the bible my mind is scrupulous I just told my mother that the more I search the heavier I feel and then I told her that I don’t read or search anymore because I feel heavy I feel more sinful I am young I am 19 years old I can’t stand my mind thinking so much sins sin or not or I don’t know if my heart can’t let go of my sin and I really can’t I feel like blaspheming because I told her that I don’t want this anymore I don’t want such a scrupulous mind anymore the days go by and I don’t feel anything I feel sad with pain and fear I feel like running and not thinking about anything and just clear my mind but I don’t know what to do
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When one keeps repeating the cycle of sinning and repenting, then turning back again to sin and repenting, the conscience gradually becomes desolate, and a sense of depriviation and emptiness rushes in, while anxiety and depression take root at the center of the heart. This is evidence that the conscience is gradually dying because of sin. For this conscience to be filled with abundant liberality and overflowing thanksgiving, you must pursue the love of Christ. The reality of the faith you pursue is a belief that seeks only your own happiness, blessings, success, and prosperity, and therefore it cannot help but dishonor the love of Christ’s cross that follows after the love of God.
As one seeks only the lust of life, the lust of the eyes, and the desires of one’s own happiness and blessings, sin can only continue to accumulate. This is not the life of Christ. Faith that pursues only the hopes, ideals, and happiness of the world and the flesh is no different at all from that of unbelievers. The form of today’s Christians, who cannot help but repeat sin until the day they die, is easily seen. Indeed, together with a faith that increasingly treats their sin lightly, dulling their conscience toward it, and becoming bolder and more shameless about their sin, the reality of such disgraceful faith has already gone beyond its limit. Instead of being the light and salt, instead of being an example and model, it is overflowing with every kind of corruption, depravity, lawlessness, falsehood, and evil deed.
Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.(Hebrews 12 : 16~17)
Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness….(2 Thessalonians 2 : 9~17)
We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.(1 John 3 : 14)
Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God.(3 John 1 : 11)
But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil. Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.(James 4 : 16~17)
A Christian is not a Christ-follower. Theirs is a carnal faith that, like Esau, seeks only selfish happiness and blessings, and thus cannot even bring forth the repentance of Christ. They are those who are never born again, never renewed, never transformed—only repeating sin and empty repentance again and again, yet unable to truly change.
They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.(Titus 1 : 16)
Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.(2 Timothy 3 : 5~8)
In the midst of an ever-growing sense of deprivation of heart, emptiness, and the withering weariness of life, my conscience cries out for God. Seeking God is not about teachings of words and theories that give only lessons and emotions, but about being taught to receive the power of God within His love. By following this truth, we must nourish ourselves with God’s love and be formed into His character, so that we may walk the beautiful path.
For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.(Titus 2 : 11~15)
By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.(Romans 5 : 2~10)
That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:…(Colossians 1 : 10~14)