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I feel I need to give up on Christianity. Been saved 10yrs but I just dont feel close or loving towards God. In fact im amazed by how people can love God. To me he just seems petty, small, controlling. Im stuck in a hell where i truly believe God is who he says he is but i just dont love him im angry at him and borderline hate him. I kinda wish I could go back to before I was saved. Where i wasn’t angry at God all the time. Idk im not cut out to be a christian. I dont trust or love him( hard to hear but its my truth)
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You are not saved. The pastors of Christianity say that those who believe in God are saved, but this is an outright lie.
Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him. Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.(1 John 3 : 6~8)
He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.(1 John 3 : 8~10)
Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness. What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death. But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.(Romans 6 : 16~23)
God is love. It is clearly written that those who dwell in love do not commit sin and are freed from sin. You are a child of the devil who repeats sin. You are not a child of God. Christians are by no means true disciples of Christ. They do not live the life of Christ, yet pretend to be treu Christians. It is the one who lives as a true Christian who is saved; the religious person can never be saved. Belonging to Christianity does not mean salvation. Salvation comes only by the will of God and by the love of the cross.
Therefore, within the love of God, through the nourishment of love, the power of God works to free us from the yoke of sin—of sinning and repenting, sinning and repenting—that we cannot help but repeat, and leads us into liberation.
One who continues to repeat sin is merely a child of the devil; he is not a child of God and his salvation is absolutely false. Today’s Christians all claim that they are saved, but in reality they are in the form of children of the devil. They are repeating vain repentance—sinning and repenting, sinning and repenting—which only testifies that they have not escaped the yoke of sin.
The power within God’s truth surpasses what man can accomplish through self-awareness, resolve, and determination. In other words, truth is to receive the divine power that kills the sinful members and evil habits which inevitably repeat sin. Without the power of God, the sermons of men that rely only on words and theories—awakening, urging, and inspiring—have no strength or ability to restrain repeated sin. Thus, the very fact that sin continues to be repeated is proof that what one has learned and realized is not the truth.
Because they are taught and trained through man’s teachings, relying on their own will, resolve, and determination, Christians who despise and disregard the power of God end up with a corrupted, heretical, and false faith that serves God while clinging to the world and material things.
You believe in God for the sake of your flesh, pursuing fleshly faith only to obtain your own happiness and your own success. Your prayers are not directed toward the hope of Christ that follows the love of the cross, even to the point of laying down your life. Instead, they are prayers for your own happiness, your own success, your own blessing, and your own prosperity—prayers no different from those of all other worldly religious people, who spend their lives praying for family problems, business problems, workplace problems, love problems, children’s problems, and health problems. Such faith is vain.
This is not the faith of a true Christian. This is not the faith that leads toward the beautiful kingdom of God born of Christ’s love. Rather, it is proof that you have not been reborn, that you have not changed or been transformed. It is also evidence that your salvation and Holy spirit which you received are false. The love of God leads as light and salt, to be an example and a standard throughout the whole earth.
Dead faith, that is, the faith of the flesh, is nothing more than a faith in which demons masquerade as God and Satan disguises himself as the devil—a faith that follows emotions, a faith that follows zeal, a faith that follows words and theories, and a faith that pursues only the inspiration of words.
If you truly desire the faith of Christ, then go into Moses’ Burning Bush(https://mosesbush.com) and encounter many such questions there(e-book Author : Yo Han Lee).